When Jet Lag Comes With the Booty
IT was really easy to convert my frequent flier miles into a free round-trip business-class ticket to Europe.
Just kidding. It was a nightmare. The United Airlines Web site said no, that was the craziest thing it ever heard of anyone trying to do. The customer service representative who answered the phone also kept saying no, no, no, no until, in desperation, I made it clear that if necessary I was willing to add more than 200,000 miles and throw in such deal sweeteners as my engagement ring and my firstborn (sorry, Zoe). Woo-hoo! This was the first and possibly only time I’d ever fly in comfort to Europe.
I made the most of it both ways. The return flight was even better than going over, though, because by then I was a pro. The instant I boarded in London, I started fiddling with all the buttons in the commodious armrest — massage function, I’ll never forget you — and loaded up on as much free stuff as possible: travel socks, warm nuts and Champagne. When someone I knew from home coincidentally boarded a few minutes later and headed back to economy, it only heightened the ecstasy for me.
It wasn’t until I staggered off the plane in San Francisco nearly 10 hours later, clinking down the gangplank or whatever they call it with my bags stuffed full of eye masks, mini Toblerone chocolates and travel toothbrushes, that I realized there was a problem. It hit me suddenly: exhaustion, a wad of fuzz in my brain, persistent waves of nausea. And it made no sense that it was so painfully bright outdoors at, I checked my watch ... 2 p.m.?
Jet lag. After eight days of travel through three foreign countries, it finally laid me low. It’s one of those purely modern problems we’ve created for ourselves with our fancy technology. I wonder if Charles Lindbergh was the first to suffer, after flying overseas in the Spirit of St. Louis across all those time zones that travelers once traversed decorously by sea to allow the biological clock to adjust more gracefully.
At home that first night, I congratulated myself on staying awake until 8 p.m. local time before falling into a deep, black, dreamless sleep that lasted a thousand years. I awoke, refreshed and yet completely disoriented, to look at the bedside clock.
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It was 3 a.m.
There are a lot of things you can do at that hour when your circadian rhythms are out of whack (believe me, I’ve become an expert, after nearly a week of suffering like this), and some of my favorites include sorting laundry, ironing napkins and sitting bolt upright in a chair in a dark room while staring in despair at a wall.
But none of that would be so bad if there weren’t a flip side to my predicament; by day, I am seized unexpectedly by an uncontrollable urge to fall asleep wherever I am. On Tuesday, a sudden-onset nap in the parking lot at the supermarket gave me new insight into the plight of my grandmother, a narcoleptic famously prone to pulling off the road in a panic. She would abruptly throw the car into park and nod off without further comment.
I tried to tough out my situation. I even gave myself little pep talks (again, at 3 a.m.) about how great it was, finally, to suffer from a malady that, while annoying, at least wasn’t a direct side effect of aging. My friend Molly, who lives in England, had recently told me that her daughter, who was then 3, had needed weeks to adjust back to local time after a trans-Atlantic flight.
Weeks.
Weeks?
Another thing you can do at 3 a.m. is look up all the names of jet lag researchers — and I mean all of them, every one in the world, as well as all their parents’ names and all their parents’ names, and it’s still barely 3:45 — and wonder if they would be upset if you called for advice in the middle of the night. I mean, it’s their job, right?
Or you can write them an e-mail message, containing a lot of jet-lag induced typos (“Would you like to set an time to talk?”), mistakes you notice only after you hit the send button.
Then you can wait until a decent hour, at which time you can finally talk on the phone to Dr. David Neubauer, who is the associate director of the Johns Hopkins University Sleep Disorder Center.
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“Is it always this bad?” I asked him.
There are a few rules of thumb. Traveling west can be easier on the system than going east, but only if you’re passing through a few time zones like, say, from New York to California. Humans are wired to be most alert in the early evening, so if you arrive in a time zone that’s three hours earlier than the one you’re used to, your biological clock is more likely to adjust gracefully and allow you to stay up later without ill effect. An eight-hour shift, though, like the one I experienced from Europe to California, will do you in.
But for a person like me, who traveled through eight time zones, preventive measures would have been the best bet. Sleeping extra hours for a few days before a long trip makes it easier, after you arrive, to adjust. Before going to Europe, I should have aimed for a few nights of at least eight hours of sleep. ("Most people only get six or seven," Dr. Neubauer said, "so several nights of eight will give you sleep in the bank.")
After jet lag sets in, the best cures are light exposure and melatonin, a hormone that regulates the biological clock. In general, the best thing to do is to be up and outdoors during daylight hours to help your body adjust.
But someday soon, there may be an app for that.
Daniel Forger, a mathematician at the University of Michigan who has been working with sleep researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston to develop a software program to alleviate jet lag, says that the right routine can cut recovery time in half.
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If you tell the software the direction you’re traveling, the number of hours’ difference in time zones at your destination and what your schedule will be when you arrive, Professor Forger said, "it will tell you when to go outside and get a lot of light, and when to stay in and go to sleep."
But the software probably won’t be publicly available for another five years, he said. It’s a time frame that sounded perfectly reasonable to me because it will take me at least that long to save up enough frequent flier miles for business class.
